Honesty.

I think that the world could do with more honesty. A lot more.

 

Obviously, the rest of the world doesn’t agree with me.

Indifference.

It’s difficult to maintain any semblence of enthusiasm in school at all. I mean, the conditions are okay, the location is good, but…. There doesn’t seem  to be anyone I can really connect with on a personal level. Not that it wasn’t expected, but I guess it kind of bothers me. When people talk to me it’s all I can do to keep a smile on my face and suppress the urge to tell them how I can’t really be bothered to talk.

 

Maybe I’m just a really lousy friend.

 

I wish I had more to say and perhaps wax lyrical about my lack of social ineptness, but this is really as close to the truth as I can possibly get. I just don’t care enough to get any work done, school, social or otherwise. Sure, having many people say hi to you can be nice, but it gets tiring really easily when you realise that you don’t really know any of these people well.

Limits.

Limits was a subject that my lecturer touched on earlier today. Being in SMU, you would think that it was a potentially inspiring thought about resilience, perserversence, not giving up and pushing your aforementioned limits to truly acomplish what you are capable of, unleashing your potential.

 

Well, not really. It was a math lecture and “limit” was used in the same monologue as “function” and “domain”. Not exactly the kind of thing you sing “these are a few of my favourite things!” to.

 

That being said, on to my point.

 

Why should you push your limits?

 

Because if you don’t, other people will. Life is, after all, a crash course in dealing with idiots(which can only mean the afterlife is even more full of them). You’d think that the more you study, the more intelligent people you get to hang out with. Which is probably wrong; People will find a way to compensate for their academic prowess and supposed intelligence. Such ways include a distinct and glaring lack of EQ, as much common sense as your average poodle, a fucking ugly face(debatably not their fault), an overbearing arrogance, or some combination of the above.

 

Okay I forgot the point of this post. I think it was supposed to be a rant, but I realised that the internet has more ears than a field of corn, and a nonspecific rant is pretty damn pointless. Also, I’d rather not go into mundane stuff, mostly because I’d sound incredibly rattly and self-centred(which I secretly think to myself when people talk to me sometimes, I will not lie.).

 

I guess this means a blogging hiatus!

Interruption.

I am awake at 10.45 in the morning. WHAT?!

 

Okay actually I was rudely awakened by a recurring banging sound. No, nobody was watching porn, and I doubt there was any passionate love going on as far as my neighbours are concerned(HAHA). No, I refer to literal banging sound. I try to go back to sleep, but all the blankets and pillows in the world(aka my room) can’t fend off the infernal racket. It’s like stopping a Japanese invasion with a combination of toothbrushes, mops and CLEO magazines. Soon enough, the banging sound is replaced by a sawing sound, like….. the kind you hear in the movie Saw. Well maybe not really, but you all know what a saw sounds like. A few minutes later, the sawing stops and I hear Indian men shouting.

 

They’re still shouting.

 

Oh, woe is me.

Whooooooo.

Bam! An update, and this time it’s actually from being busy rather than being too freaking lazy to update.

…

Or not.

Anyway, university life looks like it could be a blast! Though I’ve heard the terms “hell”, “not fun” and “glass prison” used to describe SMU, in which case it would be a blast of a different sort. But I guess I will wait and see what the future holds for me, be it many tasty treats, many naps in class(or even naps at home!) or a mountain of virtual homework. But, I will try my best to have fun!

 

Anyway, uni camps were pretty fun, though all I did was :

1) Clown around.

2) Act gay.

3) Act gay some more.

4) Clown around even more.

In that order. Though I must say if smu life is anything like this I might just enjoy it!

 

…

 

Now to find a way to enjoy failing exams.

Trip.

Well, Australia wasn’t nearly as fun as Phuket was, mostly due to me achieving great amounts of failure at Australian KFC(incidentally our first meal of the trip) and falling sick for the next 6 or so days, pretty much not being able to move and pissing out of my ass. Still, doing the touristy thing and not having any responsibilities(aside from getting home in one piece, preferably with my mind still intact) is something I’m not going to get to do in a while, so I shall say that I cherish that.

 

But that really wasn’t what this entry was about, that paragraph was just to remind myself that there was a time when I went to Sydney, and got my hands on a ps3 the sneaky way, and that maybe I wasn’t always a cubicle rat, struggling to make ends meet in a 3-room hdb flat.

 

Everybody, once in a while, makes a silly decision, misses a beat, forgets to turn off the nuclear reactor, says something silly in their election rally(something about seeing Alaska from here house!), forgets the lyrics the middle of their concert, accidentally shoots someone with their gun, trips and falls and ends up flat on their face.

 

BARGHHHAGHHGAHGHHH HAK HAK AHK

 

Okay, now that I’m done inhaling(and subsequently exhaling) a rogue fly that made its way into my room, let me continue.

 

When people fall down, one of four things(well, two, if you want to get all lawyer-ish and anal with me) happens : They get up and move on becuase the world wants them to, they get up and move on because they know won’t get anywhere otherwise(and actually want to get somewhere), they stay there and don’t look up because the world is waiting for them to fail, or they stay there because they like where they are, and it’s pretty damn comfortable.

 

Notice that of the 4 outcomes, you could just as easily pick one for the same reasons and the other, which would result in a completely different end result. Obviously, you probably see where this is going – Different things can happen despite similar motivations. A man wanting to feed his family could start a business that would later be worth billions of dollars, or get the billion dollars the fast way and rob a few banks. This could lend itself to an argument on the importance of education, to teach people to do things “the right way”.

 

However, what is the “right way” now? The way that the government and the media maps out for us, illuminating it such that we’re blinded from everything else? To be honest, it feels like the way things are run now, the system isn’t designed to help the people who actually need help, but the people who feel like they need help. Illiterate people can’t apply for a bank loan, and perenially sick people can’t apply for medical aid since they’ve “reached their limit on medical aid”, despite the body not knowing limits to how sick it can be. 

 

It’s really a vicious cycle, similar to that “teach a man to fish” argument, except that now when you teach a man how to fish, he teaches more people how to fish, pays them to do it for him, starts a business selling said fish and ends up richer than you, making you feel like a complete idiot.

Holiday.

In my first entry in a long time, I’m blogging from Phuket! With Andrew’s laptop that is way too small, and hot pink, no less. I feel like half a man just using it – The keys feel like they’re meant to be hit by fingernails, the screen is about as wide as my maximum handspan and the hot pink exterior just emboweled the man that dwells within me. (yes there is one you douchebags, stop laughing.)

 

Anyway, the reason I’m not enjoying the holiday as much as I should is mostly because it doesn’t feel like I deserved it, having done minimal work, much less hard work deserving of a break, over the past 6 months or so. Not that I’m complaining. I guess this might say something about my innate integrity that I want to brag about, but I really know better.

 

Have you ever met someone, just for a brief moment, and then felt after like there really should have been more there, that the two of you share a deeper connection than mere strangers? This doesn’t even apply to love-related issues. What if you missed out on that little slice of destiny, of friendship, of opportunity that God kindly served up on a silver platter with an apple in its mouth? That’s kind of how I feel right now, and it’s gnawing me up inside like a rat at a piece of cheese. Some selective amnesia would come in handy now. I would divulge more, but cyberspace is kind of like and Indian slum right now : Too open with no sense of privacy whatsoever, everybody minding everybody else’s business but their own. Though ironically most of cyberspace is constructed by Indians.

Ok i should probably stop here, long boat rides are giving me reverse motion sickness now. That and my neck hurts like a bitch, proper posture does not pay off when you are on extremely jumpy boat with huge slab of wood centimentres away from your head. But anyway long story short, Phuket’s been a blast! Though I suspect it should be blast-ier.

Resignation.

It’s been a weird month, in which I’ve at aboslutely nothing to write about because I’ve had nothing to whine about. It’s strange that way, how I keep to myself when things are going well. And when things aren’t, I probably lie to make it seem like they are.

 

Maybe it’s because I’ve realised that like the rest of the world, a single blogger’s opinion doesn’t really matter. Even if you put nude pictures of yourself online or make several inflammatory statements, it doesn’t matter, people still laugh it off and move on with their lives, since you’re after all, just another pixel in the computer screen of the world, a Singapore in the world, another brick in the wall or some other cliche or bad Pink Floyd song. The government is going to continue making stupid decisions and losing money for us, people who go to cityharvest are still going to worship their god and feel trendy and cool at the same time because they feel like they are doing it in a big group. People are still going to smoke and drink and gamble and infect themselves terminally despite all the warnings not to, and even those who don’t still end up with some sort of cancer anyway.

 

Maybe it’s because I don’t think it matters how much I complain anymore. Some people say that you make your own luck, but I’m pretty much almost sure that’s not entirely true. It’s annoying how you can plan everything down to the tiniest detail and still fall by the wayside due to a completely innocent slip of the tongue(or just a normal slip), or someone else carrying multiple rabbit’s feet and worshipping fervently, or simply just having more luck than me. It’s kind of how Chelsea played better than Barcelona but still got their asses kicked by someone else’s bad decision making, and even Barca knew it.

 

Maybe I should stop trying.

Dreams.

I’ve been having horrid dreams lately. Dreams of violence. Of people being mutilated, disemboweled. Of being caught by the person who did it, and having no escape. Of being tortured like a hapless Nazi in America. Of there being no escape.

 

They say that dreams are a prelude of what is to come. They also they that dreams are the subconscious of your body talking while the conscious is on vacation. I choose to believe the latter, because that is how I roll. Which means that the nasty side of me is coming out in my dreams, given that life at the moment is quite bright and sunny.

 

Which means….

 

I need something to complain about.

 

DRAMATIC IRONY RIGHT THERE

Pull.

Okay, I’m quite desperate now, whoever has a job to recommend CONTACTMEPLZ