Holiday.

In my first entry in a long time, I’m blogging from Phuket! With Andrew’s laptop that is way too small, and hot pink, no less. I feel like half a man just using it – The keys feel like they’re meant to be hit by fingernails, the screen is about as wide as my maximum handspan and the hot pink exterior just emboweled the man that dwells within me. (yes there is one you douchebags, stop laughing.)

 

Anyway, the reason I’m not enjoying the holiday as much as I should is mostly because it doesn’t feel like I deserved it, having done minimal work, much less hard work deserving of a break, over the past 6 months or so. Not that I’m complaining. I guess this might say something about my innate integrity that I want to brag about, but I really know better.

 

Have you ever met someone, just for a brief moment, and then felt after like there really should have been more there, that the two of you share a deeper connection than mere strangers? This doesn’t even apply to love-related issues. What if you missed out on that little slice of destiny, of friendship, of opportunity that God kindly served up on a silver platter with an apple in its mouth? That’s kind of how I feel right now, and it’s gnawing me up inside like a rat at a piece of cheese. Some selective amnesia would come in handy now. I would divulge more, but cyberspace is kind of like and Indian slum right now : Too open with no sense of privacy whatsoever, everybody minding everybody else’s business but their own. Though ironically most of cyberspace is constructed by Indians.

Ok i should probably stop here, long boat rides are giving me reverse motion sickness now. That and my neck hurts like a bitch, proper posture does not pay off when you are on extremely jumpy boat with huge slab of wood centimentres away from your head. But anyway long story short, Phuket’s been a blast! Though I suspect it should be blast-ier.

Resignation.

It’s been a weird month, in which I’ve at aboslutely nothing to write about because I’ve had nothing to whine about. It’s strange that way, how I keep to myself when things are going well. And when things aren’t, I probably lie to make it seem like they are.

 

Maybe it’s because I’ve realised that like the rest of the world, a single blogger’s opinion doesn’t really matter. Even if you put nude pictures of yourself online or make several inflammatory statements, it doesn’t matter, people still laugh it off and move on with their lives, since you’re after all, just another pixel in the computer screen of the world, a Singapore in the world, another brick in the wall or some other cliche or bad Pink Floyd song. The government is going to continue making stupid decisions and losing money for us, people who go to cityharvest are still going to worship their god and feel trendy and cool at the same time because they feel like they are doing it in a big group. People are still going to smoke and drink and gamble and infect themselves terminally despite all the warnings not to, and even those who don’t still end up with some sort of cancer anyway.

 

Maybe it’s because I don’t think it matters how much I complain anymore. Some people say that you make your own luck, but I’m pretty much almost sure that’s not entirely true. It’s annoying how you can plan everything down to the tiniest detail and still fall by the wayside due to a completely innocent slip of the tongue(or just a normal slip), or someone else carrying multiple rabbit’s feet and worshipping fervently, or simply just having more luck than me. It’s kind of how Chelsea played better than Barcelona but still got their asses kicked by someone else’s bad decision making, and even Barca knew it.

 

Maybe I should stop trying.

Dreams.

I’ve been having horrid dreams lately. Dreams of violence. Of people being mutilated, disemboweled. Of being caught by the person who did it, and having no escape. Of being tortured like a hapless Nazi in America. Of there being no escape.

 

They say that dreams are a prelude of what is to come. They also they that dreams are the subconscious of your body talking while the conscious is on vacation. I choose to believe the latter, because that is how I roll. Which means that the nasty side of me is coming out in my dreams, given that life at the moment is quite bright and sunny.

 

Which means….

 

I need something to complain about.

 

DRAMATIC IRONY RIGHT THERE

Pull.

Okay, I’m quite desperate now, whoever has a job to recommend CONTACTMEPLZ

Cursor.

cur⋅sor 

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interfaceflash.addParam(”loop”, “false”);
interfaceflash.addParam(”quality”, “high”);
interfaceflash.addParam(”menu”, “false”);
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interfaceflash.addParam(”FlashVars”, “soundUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fcache.lexico.com%2Fdictionary%2Faudio%2Fluna%2FC10%2FC1061200.mp3″);
interfaceflash.write();

 /ˈkɜrsər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kur-ser] Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	Computers. a movable, sometimes blinking, symbol that indicates the position on a CRT or other type of display where the next character entered from the keyboard will appear, or where user action is needed, as in the correction of an erroneous character already displayed.

2.	a sliding object, as the lined glass on a slide rule, that can be set at any point on a scale.

 

Damn. And here I was, thinking that with all the profanities ready to come out of my mouth like Computer programmers out of India, that I would make a very good Cursor. Simpler times dictated that the term was never needed, since there were no Computers, no measuring instruments, and hence, no cursors.

 

But enough about that.

 

Life has been pretty good as of late, what with having no commitments whatsoever, and I’m quite determined to cherish it as this will probably the last time in the rest of my life where I have absolutely zero responsibility. The only worry at the moment is the rapidly decreasing numbers that call themselves my bank account.

 

I need money, but I don’t want to work. I’m such a Singaporean.

Eh.

A few days ago, out of frustration, I bought a pack of cigarettes. Marlboro Ice Mints. After 2 sticks, I threw the pack away, disgusted with both myself and the cigarettes. I proceeded to go home and puke half my supper into the toilet bowl.

 

Now, do I have a) an temptation problem because I bought the cigarettes, b) a money problem for throwing the bulk of it away, c) a health problem, for puking too easily, or d)an eating problem for even having supper?

 

I think I’m beginning to get overly critical these days. Yesterday, someone told me,”I’d hate to have a life like yours.” in response to a comment about a 21st birthday party feeling like a kid’s party. Obviously it seems like something happened to me during the previous 20 years of my life, that causes me to become emotionally distant, cold as a cucumber, or however you want to put it, depending on what your profession is.

 

Comes with being bored, huh.

Waft.

The air smells a bit sweeter today. On days like this, I get the feeling that nothing can go wrong. That nothing I do could possible get me into trouble, and I could just laugh it off. That I don’t need to answer to anyone but myself, and I don’t really care about it anyway. “Too much of a good thing” is nothing more than an oxymoron.

 

So this is what freedom feels like. It’ll take me a while to get used to it, but damn, I’ll only enjoy it more.

 

—

 

Movie review : Punisher : War Zone : Not very good : Any more and I’ll have colon cancer : period

 

For those who haven’t read the Punisher comics, they’re a lot better than this movie. Not that this movie is terrible : It just lets down a renowned franchise. I would put it in the same league as 300, Rambo and Shoot’em up ; i.e an awful lot of brainless violence. For a movie, it’s surprisingly violent. Though I’m sure people who don’t read the comics will have a hard time believing that you could use a gun to shoot a man’s face off. Also, there were too many parts that were unintentionally funny. Beyond that, the acting is sub-par, but the effects make up for it. Okay, it’s hard to write a good movie review because you have to take care not to spoil the movie.

 

—

 

DA-DADADA-DADA! DADADADA-DADA!*

 

*Most people have something they do to keep themselves awake at night. Some people take chocolate. Others take coffee, or sweets. Some even resort to listening to Michael Jackson, Mika or the Spice Girls. I sing the Ghostbusters theme to myself. Not the words, just the tune.

 

—

 

I think it’s just the pessimist in me thinking, but this is probably the last time in my life where I get an extended period of doing absolutely nothing. The loafer in me mourns and screams for reprieve. Very soon, I’ll have to go to school and cope with stupid things like deadlines, politics and lecturers with accents thicker than a fog in the bermuda triangle, then go out and work and cope with stupid things like deadlines, politics and bosses with accents thicker than a fog in the bermuda triangle. 

 

Though I must admit that Singapore’s political scene is a National Geographic documentary compared to what America is going through right now. When your president is a media darling, you know he’s something special. You can’t even find a political comic badmouthing him – Most of them has him torturing John McCain in some manner. Though I find dancing to Beyonce’s singing a little weird; Every time someone mentions Beyonce one of two phrases pop into my mind – one regarding her fantasizing about switching her gender and the other one calling for all the single ladies, the latter often accompanied by a very garish music video. In Singapore, all we have is old men being paid too much to sit there and blow hot air.

 

—

 

DA-DADADA-DADA! DADADADA-DADA!*

 

—

 

Obviously, I need to start finding some new hobbies. Throwing words at white screen of doom can’t be a healthy pastime.

Ailing.

In another context, 20 years down the road, Ailing would be my 20-year-old wife from China, whom I paid a four-figure sum to come to Singapore to marry me, with several failed attempts at getting a proud, obnoxious Singaporean female to engage in wedlock with yours truly.

 

Right now, however, I refer to the English meaning of ailing, which is to say I’m sick. My cough’s doing great. I’m not so hot, but the cough is asserting itself better that Sean Connery at a bachelorette’s party. Not that it doesn’t have its perks – people give you your own radius of free space in trains when you start coughing like a madman, and if you’re an even better actor than I am at being sick, or a really hot girl, people start offering to do things for you.

 

(Also note that this entry is somewhat outdated. I no longer have the apetite to churn out essays, obviously. This does not bode well for my studying life.)

 

Illness doesn’t seem to be confined to just the self, however ; Frequently reading the news(things you do when you’re bored) will tell you that all people have to report are tales of violence and depression, and somewhere in there, you know that the world is ailing, and the breaking point isn’t far from now. Soon enough, the world will run out of space for landfills faster that scientists can invent alternate ways of disposing waste, the world won’t have enough trees to sustain oxygen output for the human race and there’ll be so much barren land from scorched-earth policies and bombing that there won’t be enough crops for the people of the world not to have constipation become a norm.

 

And this will all happen because we’re too busy worrying about each other. We’re too busy worrying that people will take our money excessively – be it by legal or illegal means. Everyone is worried that Israel will go berserk and declare war on the rest of the world, or that their jobs are being outsourced to countries with too many people willing to work for too little pay. In short, everyone only sees the problems ahead of them, and not the problems ahead of everyone.

 

If we keep this up, we won’t even have a world to argue on – Those that haven’t died of dehydration will have frozen t death, or are living on hawaii.

Lies.

I finally found it. A feasible argument for religion, presenting a good reason to lie to people about a higher entity that would back them, no matter how badly they screwed up.

 

Back then, when life was all about getting rice/potatoes/hummel/other staple food into your stomach so you could carry on for another day, it wasn’t that bad.

 

Today, it’s already a granted that food will be in front of you. Now, people have to maintain social circles, keep a blog, update facebook frequently, earn money, earn more money, earn even more money, invest in stocks, watch the fuel consumption of their cars, take care of children, jump through a blazing wheel, set a guinness world record, get seven figures on their bankbooks and upkeep a facade of at least decency – all without going crazy.

 

And sometimes, we are just not strong enough, and we need something to keep us going. That’s what religion is – It’s like mental morphine.

Refresh.

To take a look back at 2008, it wasn’t a very fun year. It was my most productive in terms of money earned, but if I based everything on money values I wouldn’t have enough material to have a blog, though to be fair, I’m getting closer to it.

 

Well, suffice to say I’m really glad 2008 is over, though the prospect of turning 21 hardly thrills me, and if it does, it does so in the way the woman in the “thriller” was, er, thrilled. Obviously, my writing ability is on a decline. I’m actually quite surprised I managed to survive the entire year without any (major) mishap. Safety is something we should all be thankful for, as I’ve come to realise. Dear god, I’m turning old.

 

On the resolution front, I don’t think I’ve accomplished any of my resolutions, mostly because I don’t even remember what I resolved to do other than “not die”. I think there was “rap”, “chinese” and “rap in chinese” somewhere in there too, which probably means that while I told myself I was getting closer to my goals, I was doing a Michael Jackson moonwalk and regressing like a fool without knowing it.

 

I am, however,very good at accomplishing other people’s resolutions. Save money? Done, and I don’t know what to do with it. Become more independant? Yeah. Have a better idea of what I want to be doing? Kind of. Have an adventure? Done. It is as Master Yugui of kungfu panda fame said :” One often finds his destiny on the path to avoiding it.”

 

And so, a new year is upon us. And I believe it’ll be much better than this one. I really do. Because it doesn’t take much for any year to be better than 2008.